so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
