I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Randomize
