3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
