i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
