Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize