Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
