I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I met the friendliest cop last night
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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