she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
