I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
