watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
