i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
