I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize