Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
