I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
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