Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
