did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
