dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Come on in and take your pants off
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