Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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