I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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