hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize