could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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