I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
It's no shave November. This is our time.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
