I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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