i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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