is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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