fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This house was built for laser tag.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
