It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
