im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
