ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
