Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
