You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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