she was so not down for the gang bang
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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