It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
