Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
