"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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