well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
