I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
