I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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