the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
