Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
