just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
