I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
