im six kinds of drunk right now
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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