i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
