: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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