We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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