dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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