Whats the glycemic index on semen?
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
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