Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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