bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
