If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
