I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
