I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
