Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
