I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
