My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Randomize
