found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I intend to get homeless drunk
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
