smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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