the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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