anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
