I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize