My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
