You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
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