So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
