id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
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