What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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