I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
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