that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
i now understand why vodka
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
