This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
